The Sound of Loss

It was a pretty normal morning around here.  I was feeling rather pleased with myself because I'd crossed a couple of things off my list of 'Things To Do Once the Girls Get Back to School."  Namely, I'd finally updated the kids' birthday scrapbooks.  I add a page or two each year with pics from their parties, and since their birthday were in April, June, and August, I was quite a bit behind.  But, as I said, I'd gotten it done this morning and was feeling pretty good about having that crossed off the list.  Also, I was excited to show the girls their new pages once they got off the bus this afternoon.  Little Boy, however, didn't have to wait.  And, boy, was he excited! 

He sat with his book splayed across his lap on the couch and pored over the pages as I went about my work.  I kept coming through the living room as I went about washing dishes, switching laundry around, vacuuming.  Through all of that, still he sat there.  The smile was gone, though, I noticed, as he sat with his eyes locked on the pics of him from the day he was born and his first birthday. 

You see, Little Boy was adopted.  And since he didn't come home to us until a week before his second birthday, the photos he's staring at are ones from a past that doesn't include us, his family. 
Laundry in hand, I stopped in my path.  What could he be thinking?  What is he feeling?  He looked up at me and smiled;  I smiled back, then resumed my work,content that he was okay.  About 5 minutes later, it started . . .
A low moaning sound that it took me a minute to realize was a cry.  It was unlike the cries a mother is used to hearing.  It wasn't the way he cried when he fell off the swing or the way he cried when Girl 2 grabbed his monkey away from him or the way he cries when he's not ready for bed.  This seemed like it was coming from somewhere very deep within. 
I rushed back to the sofa, and he was still sitting there with the book across his lap.  He threw his arms out, begging to be held, as the tears streamed down his face.  And, I held him.  and held him.  and held him.  His sweaty palms grabbed the back of my neck and held on tight.  "Are you sad?"  "Umm, hmmm." 

This was new for me.  But, I knew enough from all my adoption reading to know that I shouldn't be feeding him words right now.  I should give him a chance to put into words the way he's feeling, so I shut up then, and just held him.  In the year and half that he's been home, though, I'd never dealt with this before.  If you know him at all, you know he's no melancholy child.  He attacks life, bounding through it with a huge smile plastered across his face. But, now as I sat holding him as he soaked my neck with his tears, I heard him saying something:  "I juss wanna be your tid."  In case you don't speak Little Boy, that's "I just want to be your kid."   Over the next couple of hours, the laundry just sat in the machine as we went about our day hand-in-hand and I used words like "all the time" and "forever" and "always" so many times it was ridiculous. 

We don't really talk with others much about his past.  He was adopted out of Arkansas Foster Care and was blessed to have amazing foster parents before he made his way to us.  But, he has a past -- a past that in some ways we feel we must protect him from (which is why he's never pictured here on this public blog).  His past is a story that will be his to tell as he grows older.  We will not be the ones to discuss the details with others.  But, this moment today reminded me that, though, I look at him and see my son, a person whose life is so intertwined with my own that it's nearly impossible to remember life without him, he did have a different life before he became a part of our family.  And, I would do well to remember that our great joy in having him as a son is only possible because first, he suffered a great, elemental loss -- a loss that will perhaps at times throughout his life well up inside him and be expressed in the sound of that deep, horrifying moan.   And, as a mom, it's difficult to know that there's no magical band-aid for the wounds of his past.  I can love him, hold him, and point him to the great Healer. . . all the time, forever, always.

What has all this to do with homesteading?  Not a dad-gum thing that I can really think of, honestly.  But, I just can't shake this right now, and, therefore, can't think about recipes or chicken craziness or mozzarella today.  Thanks for bearing with me.  Tomorrow, business as usual, I promise.  ;)

Science Fair Project Update

Okay.  It's not really a science fair project.   Thankfully, I won't have to put together a colorful tri-fold posterboard about this science experiment.  Though, my mom was right, if the girls were in need, this would make a decent science fair project. . .

Especially considering how it's turning out so far.

Can you see it?

Here we go up close.  This is the left side-- the side where the seeds were started in our very own compost from the pile.

And, this is on the right side -- the side where the seeds were started in Miracle Grow Organic Potting Mix.  Wow!

For those naysayers out there, be aware that I'm rotating the box every-other day, so neither side is getting more sun than the other and they're being watered the same amounts and at the same time. 

Only time will tell whether the compost plants will be stronger or produce greater yields, but it's safe to say that they definitely sprouted the seeds faster than the traditional mix. 

They're Ovulating!

What?  Listen, ovulation talk is not off-limits on a homesteading blog! 

I'm so excited!  It seems our little pullets are blossoming into laying hens! 

Which of these doesn't belong?  (Hint:  top left)

Especially if hens lay their first eggs in the hotter temps of summer, those eggs tend to be very tiny.  Our older gals began laying in the fall and laid regular-sized eggs from the start, so this is our first experience with the cute, "wittle" eggs.

Considering how crazy these girls have acted since they arrived in the laying tractor, I'm glad that she figured out where and how to lay her egg.  I found it in the nesting box, right where it was supposed to be. 

Hopefully, it won't be long and all the gals will be on the same cycle (a la, my high school basketball team), and we'll be bringing in eggs by the basketful!

DIY Coffee Table Update

This past week, our old coffee table underwent an extreme makeover.  Actually, it got a facelift.  Pictured below is the IKEA $30 or so coffee table that we've had since we moved in 6 years ago.  Recently, it's scratched veneer has had it looking like a 6-year-old-$30-coffee-table, and it had thus been stored in the garage, leaving our living room clear for the impromptu family dance party.    I'd been missing a place to set a book and prop my feet, though, and found this idea for an upgrade on Pinterest.  (Don't worry, dance parties will continue.  We'll just have to dance around the furniture and maybe keep the cartwheels and break dancing moves to a minimum.)

We had a bunch of scrap 2x4s from our goat shed project last month, so I decided to use them to create a new top for the beat-up table.

We didn't have enough long pieces to cover the table top, so I decided how I wanted to piece the boards together.  Then, I cut them to length.

Yep.  I cut them to length. . . . using this.  All on my own.  John wasn't even home.  Can you tell I'm a bit proud of myself?

I then stained them using Mission Oak, a color that I thought would go well with the veneer finish of the table and still lend a rustic feel to the knotty pine boards.

Once the stain was dry, I used wood glue to adhere the boards in place and stacked heavy books atop the table to hold them down as the glue dried.

24 hours later, we removed the books and moved our table back into place.  (Girl 2 really wanted to be in the picture.)

Here it is, all done, with the lower shelf back in place, holding our floor pillows.

(As you can see, I haven't quite decided what I want to sit on it.  ;)

It's not a professional job, by any means, but I do think it's an upgrade.  And, all it cost me was the $10 or so that I spent on the stain and wood glue.

Fall Garden Experimentation

It's that time of year again . . . yep, time to pull out those old under-the-bed boxes and start some seedlings!  (What?  Did you think I meant switch out clothes for the season?  It's still a bit early for that, I'm afraid.)  I used the homemade newspaper pots again (click here for a tutorial).  This time, though, I won't have to give up my guest room/sewing room/craft room since I'll be starting these seeds on the back porch.  Outside temps in the shade have actually been just right for sprouting seeds lately.

I decided to conduct an experiment this time.  The seeds in the pots on the right are planted in the Miracle Grow Organic Potting Mix that I used for spring planting.  The seeds in the pots on the left are in finished compost straight from our compost pile.  I made sure that the seeds are evenly divided, so I've got just as many kale seeds on the left as on the right, for example.  I'll be interested to see . . .

1.  which seeds sprout first

2.  which plants grow faster

3.  which plants make the transition to the garden better

4.   whether the tiny amount of soil they're started in has any bearing on the size/productivity of the mature plant

What seeds did we start?  3 varieties of lettuce, Swiss Chard, kale, and spinach.  We'll see how it goes.  Stay tuned!

Hurricane Isaac Visits Cave City

Here he is, moving in.

I'm not sure how much rain we received thanks to Isaac.  And, honestly, it's hard to rejoice in the much-needed rain, knowing that the same storm that provided it has caused others less fortunate so much damage.

This is really all the "damage" incurred at our house -- some downed tomato plants -- though I know of some local folks who suffered damage a bit more serious.

It was, of course, a problem easily fixed.  (Maybe next year I shouldn't be so cheap and should just invest in some tomato cages.  I've had to resurrect these poles countless times this year because our soil mix is so loose.)

A funny tidbit related to the storm . . .

Girl 2, who is 6-years-old, had been asking so many questions about Hurricane Isaac:

"Is he coming to Cave City?"

"When will he be here?"

"Why is he dumping so much water on us?"

"Where does he get the water?:

"How did he get here?"

It wasn't until she finally got to "Why is he so mad at us?" and "Did he drive here or did he come in an airplane?"that I finally realized she thought we were talking about a person.  ;)  She was thinking that this Isaac sure was a powerful and vengeful fella!  Of course, she played it off like we adults are the silly ones once I'd set her straight:  "That's so silly that they give storms names!"

DIY Raspberry Vinaigrette

I'm always on the lookout for easy and yummy homemade salad dressings.  This one was a standout in that it tasted great and satisfied my sweet tooth, so I thought I'd share. 

First, the ingredients:

1/2 c. sugar

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp. dry mustard

1/4 c. red wine vinegar

1/4 to 1/2 a small red onion (depending on how much you like onion and whether or not you're planning to share an intimate moment with someone later in the day  . . . and whether or not that person will also be eating the salad dressing . . . you get the point)

1/4 c. olive oil

1/2 tsp. poppy seeds

Now, if you're like me, you're wondering "where's the raspberry?"  A quick Google search revealed that often raspberry vinaigrette is made with no raspberry whatsoever.  Who knew?  Apparently, the label is more to do with the color.

Anyway, throw everything but the poppy seeds into your blender or food processor and blend until well mixed.  Stir in the poppy seeds, and you're ready to serve! 

We used this atop a shredded lettuce, apple, and toasted almond salad, but I suspect it'd be pretty good on most any salad.  Also, I can't be sure exactly how long it will keep, but all ingredients are shelf-stable, so I'd imagine it would keep for awhile.  I wouldn't know because I ate ours all up in a matter of 2 days.  ;)

Please let me know how you liked it if you decided to give it a try!